you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
