I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
