Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
