You're completely useless in the revolution.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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