Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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