just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
