umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
