it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
