She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize