its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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