I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
