What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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