just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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