he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
