I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
