Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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