the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
