Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
