Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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