It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
