Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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