I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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