If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize