I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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