I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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