Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
