My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize