I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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