Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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