Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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