listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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