By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I believe in your delicious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
