Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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