Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
