If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize