nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
