I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
