You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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