i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
