I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize