I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize