we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
