So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
