I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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