no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Found your dick twin last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
