He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
