I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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