Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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