Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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