Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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