Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize