Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
