I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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