What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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