you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
