Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
