Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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