my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
