his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
