My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
