You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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